L.A.M.B.S.

I planned to plant new flowers this fall, so I looked at my yard for inspiration. Guess what I found? The flowers that I planted last year had bloomed again. You guessed it...I planted perennials. For years, I bought annuals and planted them. Then I uprooted them and planted new flowers. Last fall, I wanted to teach my four-year-old about flowers—how they are planted,  and how they grow, bloom, die, and have to be planted again. Well, the lesson was for me. In my zeal to teach him, I mistakenly bought perennials. Perennials bloom during the season, die, and then come back stronger the next year. Some perennials even spread and have to be cut back, lest they take over the yard or planter. Wow! That’s an entirely different lesson to teach my son. I can teach him to be a perennial in life. No matter how many attacks the enemy launches against him, he can come back bigger and stronger than before. Think about it. If you are a survivor of any type of abuse, at so

As a child, I was molested by my babysitter and by a family member. As a teenager, boys from my neighborhood raped me. The first time I was molested, I thought the child in me died. I lost my innocence, sense of wonder, trust, optimism, stability, happiness, and other things that I didn’t discover until I got older. As a woman, I have repeatedly relived every painful moment and result of the abuse, and I have realized that the little girl in me didn’t die...she was buried alive. When I thought about my life and burst into tears, the little girl was mourning. When I had trouble trusting people and forming relationships, the little girl was resisting. When I insisted on controlling everything around me, the little girl needed structure and security. When I functioned in chaos while everyone around me was falling apart, the little girl was making sense of it all, so that she could go on living. For years, I struggled with the dichotomy of self. There was the strong and confident wom

There are times in your life when you retreat to a dark place that no one knows about. It is the place you go to when what you are facing is too difficult or too painful to face in the light. There is nothing wrong with going to this place on rare occasion, as I believe that we all retreat to a place of darkness sometimes. The problem begins when you stay in that place and take up residence there. Be cautious in the darkness. You will take missteps, run into things, fall, lose your bearings, become frustrated, and you may even sink deeper into the darkness. However, you must realize that if you just focus on the light, everything will become clear. The key remembrance in the dark place is that you are naturally a child of light. Do not be fooled into thinking that once you visit the darkness that there is no turning back. Light is only a thought or a prayer away. A simple way to think about this is to reflect on night and day. They exist at the same tim

Martyr  1) a person who undergoes severe or constant suffering; 2) a person who seeks sympathy or attention by feigning or exaggerating pain, deprivation, etc. As women, we are caregivers. It is our nature to do for others and to put their needs before our own. We take care of our friends, co-workers, spouses, and children by doing everything for them, but nothing for ourselves. We wear many hats: cook, chauffeur, maid, valet, wife, mother, entrepreneur, confidant, girlfriend, and the list goes on. But, while you are sacrificing, have you ever asked yourself: What’s in it for me? Why am I dying to please everyone?  Why am I pouring everything I have into someone else’s cup, only to turn mine over and find that there is nothing left for me? There is nothing wrong with being a caregiver, a good friend, an outstanding mother, a dedicated employee, and a volunteer in your place of worship. The problem is that you are slowly killing yourself. You are suffering and you can’t tell anyone abo

As a survivor of mental, physical, sexual, or emotional abuse, you may find yourself constantly questioning your abilities. You may look in the mirror and struggle to call yourself beautiful. You may have trouble accepting compliments from others. You may blame yourself for every argument or disagreement that you have with your spouse or significant other. If you don’t get the new job, you assume that you were a bad candidate. And, more often than not, you are repeating the same question: What’s wrong with me? Beloved, there is nothing wrong with you. If someone hurt you, there was something wrong with him or her . If someone took something from you that didn’t belong to them, it was their problem. He or she was the one who had something wrong with them. I am a survivor of physical, sexual, mental, and emotional abuse. I know how you feel. No matter how hard you work at your job, on your appearance, or with your family, you still find yourself asking if you are d