Modern Day Martyr

Martyr 

1) a person who undergoes severe or constant suffering; 2) a person who seeks sympathy or attention by feigning or exaggerating pain, deprivation, etc.

As women, we are caregivers. It is our nature to do for others and to put their needs before our own. We take care of our friends, co-workers, spouses, and children by doing everything for them, but nothing for ourselves. We wear many hats: cook, chauffeur, maid, valet, wife, mother, entrepreneur, confidant, girlfriend, and the list goes on. But, while you are sacrificing, have you ever asked yourself:

What’s in it for me?

Why am I dying to please everyone? 

Why am I pouring everything I have into someone else’s cup, only to turn mine over and find that there is nothing left for me?

There is nothing wrong with being a caregiver, a good friend, an outstanding mother, a dedicated employee, and a volunteer in your place of worship. The problem is that you are slowly killing yourself. You are suffering and you can’t tell anyone about it. 

Why? 

Because you know they don’t care, and that’s the sad part of it all. You are suffering for people who don’t even appreciate your suffering, and here’s the irony—it isn’t their fault. The blame lies with you. No one has asked you to do it.

Your spouse and your children could probably care less that the floors are spotless or that you finally washed every piece of clothing in the house. They wouldn’t mind if every once in a while you just sat in front of the television with them and enjoyed a good movie instead of stealing yourself away to dust the ceiling fans and get a jump start on your child’s latest project. They won’t remember how much money you spent, but they will remember you sharing special moments with them. 

Isn’t that the irony of it all? We work hard to provide for and take care of our families, only to find out that the only thing you can’t buy is what they really needed—your time.

Your girlfriend won’t mind if you can’t make it to a girls night out because you need to stay home and go to bed or spend time with your family. She won’t mind that you don’t come to dinner and talk about your job the entire time or complain about the work that you have to do tomorrow because you decided to come out and spend the evening with her. Believe me—she won’t mind.

Your boss is probably eating lunch every day while you sit at your desk with water and a cup of coffee, complaining about how you don’t have time to eat. Your teammates are probably out playing a round of golf on the weekend while you tweak the presentation for the tenth time to make sure it’s perfect. 

NOTE: The time you spend updating your social networking site is time that you could be spending in meditation and prayer, instead of telling everyone how hard you are working. I digress...

Your ministry leaders probably wouldn’t mind if you stayed home to rest and refresh your mind, body, and spirit instead of showing up with a bad attitude, frowning at guests, and talking about everything else that you have to do. 

Have you thought about what’s in it for you? 

May I direct your attention to the definitions above? That’s right...ouch! You are a martyr. You are constantly suffering and you are angry because no one is taking notice. You are telling people how hard you are working and wanting them to feel sorry for you. However, while you are dying, life is still going on—important things are happening. Your children are growing up, your spouse is changing, your job is going on with or without you, your parents are aging, your church is still standing—but your temple is falling apart. You have developed high blood pressure, you are overweight, you suffer from migraines and sleep deprivation, your kids are spoiled, and your spouse wants a divorce. All because you were making sacrifices for them.

As Dr. Phil says, “How’s that working for you?”

You are meant to live life and live it to the full—with joy, love, good health, peace, and abundance. Stop being a modern day martyr and pay attention to the important things in life before they are gone.

MIND: Take a few minutes each day and prioritize your “To Do” list. Go through each item and answer the question, “Why am I doing this?”  Also, be sure to include something just for you on your list each day. For instance: watch my favorite show, read for a half hour, sip a cup of my favorite tea, or go for a brisk walk. Make yourself a priority and your family and friends will benefit from your peace of mind.

BODY: This evening, go to a quiet place and sit alone for five minutes. Close your eyes and listen to your body. Is your heart beating fast even though you are still? Do you feel aches and pains? Did you doze off? If you answered ‘yes’ to any of these questions, your body needs rest and recuperation. If you have been putting off a visit to your doctor, schedule the appointment in the morning. If you have trouble calming your thoughts, try meditation or yoga. Tonight, skip doing the laundry or watching your favorite show and go to bed early. 

SPIRIT: Tomorrow, before you jump out of bed, take a few minutes to close your eyes and listen to your heart song. Ask yourself, “If I could use this day to do anything that I wanted to do, what would it be?” Rest in that thought and pay attention to how your Spirit feels. When you get up, make a plan to spend a day doing the thing you most want to do. Set aside a day in the near future that is just for you. Your Spirit will come alive when you do, and you may experience a more peaceful life in the process.

Self-sacrifice which denies common sense is not a virtue. It's a spiritual dissipation. ~Margaret Deland