Showing posts from September, 2017

DYM: The Wonder Years

I wonder how much different things would be
Dear younger me

Our minds have the ability to dream about the future and remember the past. 
I’d bet that most of us spend our time thinking about what we could have or should have done differently. We spend countless hours, days, and years replaying events and wondering what would have happened if we made a different choice. We ask ourselves questions like: What if I’d fought harder?What if I’d gone to school when I had the chance?What if I’d asked for more money when I took the job?What if I’d stayed instead of leaving?What if I’d left when it happened the first time?What if I’d chosen a different profession?What if I’d chosen a different mate?What if . . . and the list goes on.
We spend the precious time that we have now running through scenarios that could have, maybe, possibly changed our current situation. We play the blame game. We cry. We get angry. We. Waste. Time. 
I believe the only reason we should reflect on our former decisions …

DYM: The Heart Remembers What the Mind Forgets

If I could tell you everything that I have learned so far
Then you could be
One step ahead
Of all the painful memories still running thru my head

Last night, I reminisced about experiences I hadn’t thought about in over twenty years. Fleeting emotions ran through my Spirit – shame, sadness, anger, disappointment. My shame doesn’t come from the abuse – it comes from all of the wrong choices I made as a result of the abuse. But what was I to do as I matured into a young woman? By the time I was sixteen, I’d been sexually assaulted three times and molested by a babysitter. 
One thing I know for sure is that when you’ve experienced trauma, you find ways to cope. One of my tactics was to compartmentalize the pain. It helped me get through some of the most challenging years of my childhood. 
My innocence was gone. My rose-colored glasses shattered. My Spirit fell asleep. I functioned in a spiritual twilight throughout my high school and college years – partially awake but mostly asleep to the …