Perfectly Imperfect

It's been over ten months since I posted here. I'm sorry. I can't begin to explain what the last ten months have been like but I've learned much and let go of much. One of the things I've let go of is the need to be perfect. It feels so good to say that.

I don't know where this need to do everything perfectly originated but I'm going to go with my childhood. Most issues stem from that place. My parents were and are critical people and when you add sexual abuse to that, it just makes for one big 'I'll never be good enough party.'

So, I've decided that going forward, I'm going to do things in my life, even if they aren't perfect. I can't count the opportunities and experiences that I've missed over the years -- all because things weren't 'just right' for me to move forward. I know I'm not the only one.

I've beat myself up, put myself down, cried, screamed, and even stomped my feet when things didn't work out my way. I've declined invitations, left books unwritten and relationships undeveloped. I've given up without trying, all because the circumstances didn't live up to my standards of perfection.

Even when I've moved forward, it's taken me longer than it should have. This blog is a perfect example. For each entry you've read here, I spent countless hours reading, refining, and rewriting. I've probably missed a few salient points because in my need to be perfect, I've edited them out. I take this blog so seriously because I really am trying to change people's lives and bring them out of their misery. Ladies Aligning Mind.Body.Spirit. means so much to me because I want women (and men and children) to be healed from the pain of sexual abuse and sexual violence. But I fear I've taken myself too seriously. Maybe you have, too.

See, that last sentence. I want to go back and edit that out with every fiber of my being but I'm not going to do it. And you know why? Because I've decided that it doesn't have to be perfect. I'm going to allow myself a few missteps and inconsistencies. I'm going to publish a blog entry that may have a few errors (gasp) just for the sake of moving forward. I'm going to allow myself to stumble and maybe even fall a few times because I need more out of life. I need to discover what I've been missing while I've tried to make sure that every little thing is 'just so'.

Paul said, "When I am weak then [he] is strong." I no longer see my imperfections as weaknesses, I see them as a part of being me. I'm perfectly imperfect and that's good enough for me.

Insert Pink screaming here: Pretty please don't you ever believe that you're less than perfect!

Comments

  1. Darnell2/24/15, 2:26 AM

    Love it, sis! When we can realize just how perfectly imperfect we are, that's a heavy load off the shoulders for sure!

    ReplyDelete
  2. Ladies Aligning Mind Body Spirit2/24/15, 12:31 PM

    Thanks, bro. Indeed, it's a heavy load to drop! If only we would stop trying to control everything and be perfect, we could just "BE." All love.

    ReplyDelete

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