L.A.M.B.S.

This month, I sat with Kamonda Posada , the host of Emerge 360, and we talked about my experience with sexual assault and sexual abuse, and why I feel so strongly about the LAMBS movement. It is a real and raw interview filled with grace, hope, and truth. God has been good to me. My love and my life is in Him and I pray that His light shines through me. I'd love to read your comments after you watch. God bless you. Please remember to keep in touch with me via the following: LAMBS website  YouTube Facebook Twitter

I spent over twenty years suffering in silence, thinking that I was the only one feeling the effects of rape, molestation, and abuse. I thought that I was the only one who had crying spells, trouble forming relationships, the inability to trust, drug abuse, depression, anxiety, and suicidal thoughts.  I thought that I was living in the darkness alone. I was wrong. When I decided to return to the Light and I began talking to others about my journey, I was astounded by how many women (and men) shared my fears and were experiencing the same feelings and behaviors as me. I cannot adequately express in writing what it felt like to know that I had brothers and sisters in this fight with me. I felt like I could breathe deeper, live fuller, and talk freely.  The realization that I was not alone literally changed my life. I hope that joining the movement of Ladies Aligning Mind.Body.Spirit. will change your life, too. I hope that this video touches you because it was quite emotional for

If you have experienced sexual assault or sexual abuse, the darkness is pervasive. It is a fly on the wall that won't stop buzzing. It is the hum of your Mind that keeps you up at night. It is the negative thoughts that threaten to destroy every chance at happiness. The darkness is what has allowed you to 'cope' with the memories of the abuse. It offers you a safe place to hide when you feel the shame of all the wrong decisions you've made. The darkness hides you from the world and keeps people from really seeing you. The darkness is a comfortable place and being there is a love-hate relationship. You love the security that it offers but you hate that you want to get out and you don't know how. The darkness is the friend that constantly talks about you and doesn't care about your life or your future. It is the friend that gets on your nerves but you deal with it because it is the only friend you have. The darkness is your best friend and your worst enemy.

Most of us look in the mirror at least once per day but many of us avoid mirrors because they make us feel uncomfortable. We believe that our discomfort stems from our dislike of how we look on the outside, but I think it goes deeper than that. Sometimes we have a Mirror Mirror Moment. A precious moment in time when we catch a glimpse of ourselves as a Spirit. It is in these moments when we may feel the most uncomfortable. We look into our eyes and we see pain, disappointment, questions with few answers, confusion, doubt, and a desire for peace and joy in our lives. A Mirror Mirror Moment is an opportunity for us to evaluate our present circumstances. It’s a moment to ask ourselves the difficult questions like: Who am I? What am I doing with my life? Where am I going? When is my life going to change? Why haven’t I achieved my dreams? How did I get here? As a woman who has experienced sexual assault or sexual abuse, or perhaps abuse of any kind, the

Today was a day all about feelings. My son didn’t feel like going to school. I didn’t feel like cooking dinner. My husband didn’t feel like going to work. But guess what? We did all of those things anyway.  So many times in our lives we miss out on the blessing or on the reward because we act on what we feel like doing. How may times have you missed out on something special because you didn’t feel like doing what it took to make it happen? How many times have you given up on a dream because you didn’t feel like doing the work to make it come true? And so it is on our journey to healing from our past hurts. We want to be delivered. We want to be healed. We want to be free. The issue is that we don’t feel like doing the work that it takes to get there. Instead, we listen to our feelings, which are nothing more than our thoughts and you know what our thoughts are? They are small particles blown around by the ever-changing wind of our emotions and our minds. This is why it is so

I was watching an episode of What Not to Wear yesterday. Hey, don’t judge me. I like fashion and I like seeing Cinderella stories. Anyway, the episode was about a woman named Dolly. She was on the show because her friends recommended her for a makeover. Well . . . while she was going through the mandatory clothes shopping and aesthetic makeover, she had a seminal moment.  Each time the hosts mentioned to her that she was pretty and each time they asked her why she didn’t think so or why she didn’t feel that she was worthy of doing something nice for herself, she clammed up and got emotional. Eventually she let it out.  She was sexually abused as a child and one of the effects of that abuse was that she covered her body and dressed like a man to make herself less attractive and less noticeable. WOW! This was a woman who I’m guessing was in her forties or fifties at the time of filming. Yet, there she stood with tears in her eyes and with the small voice of a child, admitting

Sometimes, you must walk alone. Today, I went for a morning walk to clear my head. You see, I made a big decision recently and since that moment, I’ve begun noticing things. I’ve noticed how people really are selfish. They ask how you are doing but they don’t really care. I mean, if they did, wouldn’t they come back to you with follow-up questions or call you to check on you later? When you talk to them, they tell you that they will support you and then conveniently forget you when their lives get busy. A typical conversation might go like this: Them: “Hey, how are you doing? I was just thinking about you the other day.” You: “Well, I’ve been feeling a bit low lately. You know, I just left the doctor’s office and the news wasn’t encouraging, and it’s challenging to build a ministry around a subject that no one wants to hear about.” Them: “Oh yeah. I know. I had surgery last year, but I did fine. Remember how much pain I was in? Girl, I’m so glad you were the

This week, I saw another video about sexual abuse. Two best friends made a video expressing that one had experienced molestation and the other had experienced bullying. I was so touched that I shared the video on my personal Facebook page, thinking that others would comment and stand up for these young ladies and for all the women who have experienced abuse. To my disappointment, only two people commented on the post. I was angry. I am angry. My joy for these young ladies finding their voices and being able to ‘speak’ their truth turned into anger toward the people who would rather keep them silent. I am angry that people who claim to love me still don’t support my work of giving a voice to women who have experienced sexual assault and sexual abuse. Oh, they support me privately, where no one can see them. They send me text messages and inbox messages and emails that no one can see. God forbid that they have a public opinion about violence against women. Did I mention t