Knee Deep
Hello. It's me. I've been recovering from injuries and not writing the blog, I'm sorry. I hope that you'll see it. I've been dreaming about this entry for weeks and so here it is, please read it. . .
Well, it's been a few months and there's so much going on. As you may have read in another post, I've been training in Krav Maga for the past year or so. Last November, I tested for my orange belt. Got it! But, at what cost?
I tore my rib cage and blew out my knee. Now before you start thinking, she's s a bad ass (I am), let me explain.
I injured my knee about nine years ago and I've received treatment on and off during that time. As I progressed in my training the pain grew worse but I just popped an ibuprofen, drank some pineapple juice and kept it moving. I also wore a wrap and a brace to prevent further injury.
As fate would have it, both my brace and my wrap flew off (literally) during my orange belt test. I didn't want to lose points for stopping nor did I want to hear my instructor yelling at me, so I kept going. Because that's what I do . . . I get hurt, I suck it up and I keep moving. It's not right but it's me. I'm flawed.
Fast forward to a month later and the pain was worsening. I wasn't able to walk without holding on to something so I finally went to see a doctor. He reviewed my scans and asked me a few questions: Are you tired of this? Are you finally in enough pain that you're ready to let me go in and clean this up?
A week later, exactly six days before Christmas, I had surgery. It was a mess. They found more than they anticipated but I'd already given Doc permission to fix what he found, short of a total knee replacement. I cancelled my plans to travel home and I scooted down the stairs on my behind Christmas morning. I started physical therapy exactly two days after the surgery. It hurt . . . really hurt.
So, here I am eleven weeks later. I've gone from barely being able to walk with two crutches, to moving along with one, to walking with a cane. That's progress! I'm not exactly thrilled with the length of my recovery but I know it's necessary.
About eight weeks into therapy, I decided that I'd try to walk without my crutch. I had a pretty bad limp but I wanted to show my therapy team that I didn't need them anymore. And then my lead therapist said these words: You're not strong enough to walk on your own yet. You're still limping. If you don't take the time to heal you'll be limping the rest of your life.. You're actually teaching yourself how to walk with a limp.
Whoa. Selah. Long selah. . . I can't get it out of my head.
I realized that I'm knee deep in my own pain and by refusing to take the time to heal, I could quite possibly end up walking with a limp the rest of my life.
What are you knee deep in right now? Is it difficult to walk upright? Difficult to move in the right direction? Do you feel stuck even though you think you've been dealing with it? Have you given yourself the grace to take the necessary time to heal?
I've prevailed in spiritual wars and won battles in my mind. So . . . I've decided to do the work of healing with my knee. Therapy? Bring it on. More cortisone shots. Yes, please. Temporary pain for long-term healing. I have faith that it will happen.
I know that God wants me to be whole in every area of my life. When I began this journey many years ago, He told me that I would be whole, lacking nothing. He said that He would give me peace in every area of my life. I believe Him. I just didn't expect to have to walk through the muck and mire of my "keep it moving" life. All those things that I'd sucked up were buried, waiting for me to deal with them. The work isn't easy but I'm free.
I'm praying for a full recovery in Jesus' name.
"Count it all joy, my [sisters],when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing," James 1:2-4 ESV.
Well, it's been a few months and there's so much going on. As you may have read in another post, I've been training in Krav Maga for the past year or so. Last November, I tested for my orange belt. Got it! But, at what cost?
I tore my rib cage and blew out my knee. Now before you start thinking, she's s a bad ass (I am), let me explain.
I injured my knee about nine years ago and I've received treatment on and off during that time. As I progressed in my training the pain grew worse but I just popped an ibuprofen, drank some pineapple juice and kept it moving. I also wore a wrap and a brace to prevent further injury.
As fate would have it, both my brace and my wrap flew off (literally) during my orange belt test. I didn't want to lose points for stopping nor did I want to hear my instructor yelling at me, so I kept going. Because that's what I do . . . I get hurt, I suck it up and I keep moving. It's not right but it's me. I'm flawed.
Fast forward to a month later and the pain was worsening. I wasn't able to walk without holding on to something so I finally went to see a doctor. He reviewed my scans and asked me a few questions: Are you tired of this? Are you finally in enough pain that you're ready to let me go in and clean this up?
A week later, exactly six days before Christmas, I had surgery. It was a mess. They found more than they anticipated but I'd already given Doc permission to fix what he found, short of a total knee replacement. I cancelled my plans to travel home and I scooted down the stairs on my behind Christmas morning. I started physical therapy exactly two days after the surgery. It hurt . . . really hurt.
So, here I am eleven weeks later. I've gone from barely being able to walk with two crutches, to moving along with one, to walking with a cane. That's progress! I'm not exactly thrilled with the length of my recovery but I know it's necessary.
About eight weeks into therapy, I decided that I'd try to walk without my crutch. I had a pretty bad limp but I wanted to show my therapy team that I didn't need them anymore. And then my lead therapist said these words: You're not strong enough to walk on your own yet. You're still limping. If you don't take the time to heal you'll be limping the rest of your life.. You're actually teaching yourself how to walk with a limp.
Whoa. Selah. Long selah. . . I can't get it out of my head.
I realized that I'm knee deep in my own pain and by refusing to take the time to heal, I could quite possibly end up walking with a limp the rest of my life.
What are you knee deep in right now? Is it difficult to walk upright? Difficult to move in the right direction? Do you feel stuck even though you think you've been dealing with it? Have you given yourself the grace to take the necessary time to heal?
I've prevailed in spiritual wars and won battles in my mind. So . . . I've decided to do the work of healing with my knee. Therapy? Bring it on. More cortisone shots. Yes, please. Temporary pain for long-term healing. I have faith that it will happen.
I know that God wants me to be whole in every area of my life. When I began this journey many years ago, He told me that I would be whole, lacking nothing. He said that He would give me peace in every area of my life. I believe Him. I just didn't expect to have to walk through the muck and mire of my "keep it moving" life. All those things that I'd sucked up were buried, waiting for me to deal with them. The work isn't easy but I'm free.
I'm praying for a full recovery in Jesus' name.
"Count it all joy, my [sisters],when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing," James 1:2-4 ESV.
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