Love >Fear
During my twilight sleep this morning I heard, "Perfect love casts out fear." I'd fallen asleep last night asking God to help me overcome a few challenges in my life and this was His answer. I love when His answer is so clear and so specific, yet not what I expected to hear at all. He knows my heart better than I do and apparently I'm afraid.
I shared in my last post, It's On, that I've consciously taken on the battle of reclaiming my body after years of abuse. As you know, I have a history of molestation, rape, and physical abuse. Like you, I've also experienced other trauma and sadness in my life. The pain of these experiences is tied up in my Body. That's not to say that my Mind and Spirit weren't affected but I've already won those major battles.
Seven months ago, I decided to take my power back so I joined a martial arts studio. This past weekend I earned my Yellow 2 belt. I surprised myself. The intensity of my fighting was a direct result of the stress I've been going through the past few months. When my test was over, I was physically spent. When my instructor presented me with my new rank, I felt like falling to my knees and crying. I didn't.
I was proud of myself for my new ranking. I was feeling great about the fact that I told my body to do something and it delivered. I felt pretty powerful. I was strong. Until . . . she wanted to take a class picture to post on Facebook. All of my confidence disappeared and I shrank two sizes inside. I took the picture, and then thankfully my husband arrived and I went home.
I took a long bath and then got in bed and pulled up the post on Facebook. I burst into tears. When I saw myself in the picture, I didn't see strength. I didn't see a warrior. I didn't see a woman overcoming her fears and regaining her power. I saw a big girl. My joy faded and shame and fear took over. Then my husband walked in. Through my tears I told him what I was feeling and he reminded me of where I was eight months ago. I was just talking about taking Krav. I was still sitting at home wondering if I had the strength to do it. I was crying about not having power over my body and doubting that I could do anything that would help. I was still nervous about going out alone at night. He reminded me that I've taken a big step in overcoming my fears and I am winning.
I have a Wavemaster in my garage that I hit regularly. I train at the studio two times per week. I earned my second yellow belt rank and I was damn good during the test. A few months ago I made a decision to love myself and to put myself first. I chose me. I chose love over fear. I said yes to God's plan for my life and as usual, the journey is full of surprises, sacrifices, and setbacks.
Every day I make a decision to fight through the fear. Every day I make a decision to love myself. He reminded me this morning: "There is no fear in love; but perfect love casts out fear, because fear involves punishment, and the one who fears is not perfected in love," 1 John 4:18 (NASB).
The lesson is that I must continue to overcome my fears. I must stop punishing myself for past decisions. I have to love myself for who I am today and continue moving forward in strength. I encourage you to do the same.
Love yourself and kick fear's butt! Fight for your life and know that love is greater than fear.
I shared in my last post, It's On, that I've consciously taken on the battle of reclaiming my body after years of abuse. As you know, I have a history of molestation, rape, and physical abuse. Like you, I've also experienced other trauma and sadness in my life. The pain of these experiences is tied up in my Body. That's not to say that my Mind and Spirit weren't affected but I've already won those major battles.
Seven months ago, I decided to take my power back so I joined a martial arts studio. This past weekend I earned my Yellow 2 belt. I surprised myself. The intensity of my fighting was a direct result of the stress I've been going through the past few months. When my test was over, I was physically spent. When my instructor presented me with my new rank, I felt like falling to my knees and crying. I didn't.
I was proud of myself for my new ranking. I was feeling great about the fact that I told my body to do something and it delivered. I felt pretty powerful. I was strong. Until . . . she wanted to take a class picture to post on Facebook. All of my confidence disappeared and I shrank two sizes inside. I took the picture, and then thankfully my husband arrived and I went home.
I took a long bath and then got in bed and pulled up the post on Facebook. I burst into tears. When I saw myself in the picture, I didn't see strength. I didn't see a warrior. I didn't see a woman overcoming her fears and regaining her power. I saw a big girl. My joy faded and shame and fear took over. Then my husband walked in. Through my tears I told him what I was feeling and he reminded me of where I was eight months ago. I was just talking about taking Krav. I was still sitting at home wondering if I had the strength to do it. I was crying about not having power over my body and doubting that I could do anything that would help. I was still nervous about going out alone at night. He reminded me that I've taken a big step in overcoming my fears and I am winning.
I have a Wavemaster in my garage that I hit regularly. I train at the studio two times per week. I earned my second yellow belt rank and I was damn good during the test. A few months ago I made a decision to love myself and to put myself first. I chose me. I chose love over fear. I said yes to God's plan for my life and as usual, the journey is full of surprises, sacrifices, and setbacks.
Every day I make a decision to fight through the fear. Every day I make a decision to love myself. He reminded me this morning: "There is no fear in love; but perfect love casts out fear, because fear involves punishment, and the one who fears is not perfected in love," 1 John 4:18 (NASB).
The lesson is that I must continue to overcome my fears. I must stop punishing myself for past decisions. I have to love myself for who I am today and continue moving forward in strength. I encourage you to do the same.
Love yourself and kick fear's butt! Fight for your life and know that love is greater than fear.
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